Unexpected Turn-outs
by Moon-Yeti
Summary: Arthur needs a pick me up. He does't know it yet but Alfred's got a cure. AU. (Unfortunatly no yaoi) STRIPPERS!


Hello_ there. This is Yeti-on-fire and I have the delight of being in italics so you can tell us apart when we speak. Also you could tell either way because we are complete opposites. Seriously. And so I hope that you enjoy this little chapter we put together. _

**Sheesh woman write some more! Hey, LaLunaMuerta here. You can call me Luna. Right, well this is a hetalia fanfic which we have...made a little ! applaud for us! RIGHT NOW. So as you can tell I'm the forceful crazy loud one that writes all your sexy scenes (ur welcome) and Yeti is the one who controls me before I go on a rampage and destroy the human race (just kidding...maybe) and writes all the action scenes and the humor and such. (I write humor too! TTATT) Any-who~ I'm gonna leave you with that lovely note. Adios, Kiddies! (only the ones who review are my kiddies...)**

_I don't even know! I don't even! Luna is just weird. As am I but we are both different weirds. And she wants me to write something about a squirrel. So umm here I go...squirrels look cute and innocent until you get close...then you they attack! They crawl inside your body an lay their babies in there. Then they come back up and you just gave birth to baby squirrels...except through your mouth._

***looks at in horror* I don't know you anymore...**

_...How dare you say such things. Okay we're gonna stop talking. Hope you enjoy the reading._

* * *

"Stupid Cecilia. I can't believe she broke up with me after only two bloody weeks!" muttered Arthur dejectedly to himself.

He kicked a stone in his way and stuffed his hands in his pockets. Arthur didn't notice a certain blond-haired pervert moving in for the kill as he crept closer. Closer…

"ARTHUUUUUUR!" yelled Francis at the top of his lungs before tackling Arthur faster than Arthur could blink.

"What the?! Get off of me you blasted rapist!' said Arthur as he shoved Francis off me.

Francis pouted "what are you talking about? I haven't raped you…yet."

Arthur rolled his eyes "What do you want you bloody frog?"

Francis grinned, unfazed. We-el you seemed lonely so I thought we could go to a club that I know. You know, after your breakup you've been really prissy" he said

Arthur's eyes widened "What! Na ah! Sh-shut up!' he said lamely

Francis smirked. "Whatever. So you wanna go?" he asked excitedly

Arthur frowned, "I don't' know…"

"Fine. You leave me no choice. If you don't come, then I'll just have to tell everybody about your imaginary friends." threatened Francis with an evil expression.

"You wouldn't."

"Try me bitch."

_***Insert stare down***_

5 minutes later…

"Fine." muttered Arthur in defeat.

Francis smirked.

* * *

"Why did I agree to this again?" said Arthur, looking around at the supposed "club" Francis had taken him too.

Red booths dotted the club and the bar which took up the entire right wall. Francis quickly steered him into the direction of the bar but not before catching a glimpse of silver in the far left of the room. Francis pulled tighter before he could get a better view, practically shoving him into a black bar stool. He plopped down on the one next to Arthur's.

"Bartender!~ yelled Francis unnecessarily since the brown haired bartender was standing across from him on the other side of the bar.

"Francis! Shut the fuck up!" snapped the bartender.

Francis grinned. "Ah, Lovino. Good, you're here. My friend here needs a drink to forget all his troubles!" said Francis, snaking his arm around Arthur and squashing him to him.

Lovino smirked as Arthur pushed Francis off of him and called him a bloody perv while Francis ignored him and continued to try to fondle him. He placed two shots of tequila on the counter with a sharp band that drew the attention of the fighting patrons. Arthur shoved Francis away one more time before brushing himself off as he blushed a bright red. Francis downed both shots before anything could be said.

"Woo! Let's start this shit!" he exclaimed, raising an empty shot glass into the air.

"What shit? I mean, thing?" asked Arthur suspiciously.

Francis and Lovino looked at each other then looked back at Arthur, twin shark grins on their faces. Arthur gulped, suddenly nervous. He had a bad feeling about this. Before he could say anything music began blasting out of hidden speakers.

What the?

A frightening looking lady with brown hair pulled back in a ponytail came out into the stage with a microphone. She was wearing black cargo pants, a white tank top and black laced up military style boots ticked into her pants. A frying pan hung from her belt.

"Ladies and Gentleman! Thank you for coming to Everybody's Heaven! Please, welcome to the stage your favorite demon, Under Prussia!" she introduced into the microphone. Woots, cat calls and even a few shrieks came from the crowd. The track switched to 'Under Pressure' by Queen. Arthur could only gape as a man wearing dark pants, a black vest and a black fedora that covered his eyes. He could see white blond hair hiding under the hat. A large grin was plastered on the man's face and when he tilted his hat up crimson red eyes were revealed. The man smirked and winked seductively, making the crowd go wild. Dollar bills flew at him when he suddenly ripped his vest open to reveal drool-worthy abs.

"Holy shit" breathed Arthur, his eyes the size of dinner plates. He turned to Francis and Lovino who were laughing there asses off.

What the bloody hell is this?!" he screamed, embarrassment coloring his cheeks a blazing red. "You took me to a strip club! A GAY strip club?!"

Francis shook his head "No, no it's not an EXCLUSIVELY gay strip club. Anyone can come."

Arthur glared at him in disbelief. "Oh so because it's not an "exclusive" gay club that makes it so much better!" he said with sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Francis rolled his eyes. "Quit being a drama queen. Enjoy! You should be grateful that I was able to get you your own show!"

"My own show?" echoed Arthur. "Wait…what?! Like bloody hell I will! I'm leaving!" he said and turned to go only to run into a stone-hard chest. Arthur blinked in surprise and looked up. He gulped. In front of him stood what seemed to be the "bouncers". One had blond hair with cold blue eyes that stared down at Arthur menacingly. The other had brownish silver hair with violet eyes that looked a little glazed to Arthur.

"Ah! Ludwig! Ivan! Glad you could make it. We might need a little help convincing my friend here" said Francis as he frantically waved his hand from behind Arthur.

"You-you're talking about me?" said a pale Arthur.

"Oh don't worry Arthur. They won't hurt you! Ivan is drunk half the time and Ludwig really softened up after he decided he liked spaghetti." said Francis slyly.

"Shut up." growled Ludwig, actually blushing a little.

"Francis." said Arthur in a monotone.

"Yes?"

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" screamed Arthur before flinging himself at the blond haired man.

"Ah!" cried Francis as he frantically threw up his arms in a vain attempt to protect himself from the wrath of the English men. He waited. Nothing happened. Francis opened his eyes to find Ivan holding up Arthur by the back of his shirt. Arthur hung limply from his hold in anger, shame and humiliation.

Francis inconspicuously slid behind Lovino, who had come out of the other side of the bar.

"Really Arthur don't exaggerate so much. It's just one dance! It's not like it's going to kill you!" defended Francis with a roll of his eyes.

Arthur struggled against Ivan. "Just let me kill him a little! I'll strangle the French bastard!" spit Arthur and cursing Francis to deepest pits of hell.

Francis latched onto Lovino's arm in a over-dramatic motion.

"Get the fuck off of me." muttered Lovino as he shook Francis off. He wasn't stupid, he knew how Francis was.

Francis ignored him and instead shook his head in mock disappointment. "No manners. I'm trying to cheer him up and this is how he thanks me? Well then, we're just going to have to change his mind about that gift!" he exclaimed and skipped towards the back of the club. Ivan and Ludwig followed while Lovino laughed at Arthur's helpless expression. They stopped in front of a closed door. Francis opened t and led them inside. The walls were colored black and a dark red. A single vermillion red love seat sat in the middle of the room. Arthur gulped, becoming more nervous by the minute. The two bouncers plopped Arthur down on the love seat and dared him to get up with their eyes.

"Well, see you on the other side!" said Francis with a much too happy expression. "Avoir!"

And with that the door was slammed shut. Arthur heard the click of the lock being turned.

Maybe he wouldn't show up he thought hopefully. Maybe Francis had been lying and this was all just a big prank. Maybe-music started blaring out of invisible speakers. Never mind. From behind what seemed to be a hidden door came out one of the strangest things Arthur had ever seen.

Captain America.

You heard right. A man dresses in the costume of Captain America. Complete with the mask AND the shield. _Jesus Christ just shoot me know _he prayed silently.

"Uh…I-I'm gonna go now" said Arthur.

He started to stand up when Captain America threw his shield at him. Arthur caught it in surprise by instinct. _My goodness this thing is heavier than it looks_ he thought silently.

"Dude. You can't just leave like that! You wanted a private show and I need the money. Shut the hell up and enjoy, yeah?" said Captain America

"Wait, no! You don't understand! I didn't ask for this!" sputtered Arthur as Captain America ignored him and began to dance. Arthur blushed and started freaking out. He hid his face behind the shield but after a minute, he was getting really curious. _Just a quick peek_ he thought to himself, completely oblivious to what he had just thought. He sneaked a look from behind the shield to find a half-naked Captain America. The man was only wearing a tiny pair of shorts that were the colors of…you guessed it, the American flag.

_Fuck my life_ thought Arthur.

He watched for awhile, not realizing exactly what he was doing.

"My goodness, you're terrible at this." he commented out loud.

"Dude. Not nice."

"Oh. Well. I'm sorry but it's true."

"If I suck so much let's see you try it bro." challenged Captain America with a wide grin.

"What? No way in hell am I going to dance for a stripper! Especially not a prat like you." muttered Arthur under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Just then the door slammed open with a bang. Both men snapped their heads to the doorway where I very pissed off stripper stood. Arthur recognized him as the one that had earlier been performing on stage, something like…Prussia.

"Dude! I'm busy! Can't you freakin' knock?" said Captain America crossly.

"Get your fucking brother away from me! He interrupted my awesomeness right when I was with a client and asked me where you were!" said the crimson eyes stripper.

"Mattie?" asked Captain America.

A blond haired boy with glasses over light purple eyes came out from behind the fuming stripper. He clutched a white polar bear to his chest.

"Hi." said Mattie

"Mattie what are you doing here? You're supposed to be in the backroom."

"You keep children here?" asked Arthur in horror.

"Hello! Arthur how was it?" said Francis, popping his head in as he chose that exact moment to interrupt. He looked at the scene displayed before him, "Hmm are you double teaming?"

"Get out!" yelled Arthur, Captain America and Prussia as one.

"Okay! Jeez, no need to yell." grumbled Francis.

"Alfred, I wanna go home." whined Mattie, completely unfazed that his brother was practically _naked._

Captain America or "Alfred" groaned. "Let me finish up and then we can go okay?'

Oh there's really no need for that. I was just-"

"Shut up" said Alfred and Prussia, cutting off Arthur.

Arthur sulked and slouched against the seat.

"Mattie go back to the backroom and I'll come get you when we leave." Captain America/Alfred started pushing the kid out of the room. The other stripper had left complaining about his awesomeness being ruined by a twerp.

"I have to ask," Arthur began and stood up. "Why the bloody hell do you keep a child in a strip club?! How old are you kid, seven?"

"I'm-"

"He's ten." Captain America/Alfred cut off his brother.

"I'm fifteen, eh!"

"Pff-I knew that. Now go before Veta see you."

"She won't do anything to me."

"No, but that doesn't mean she won't get _me _in trouble by taking money from my paycheck." Captain America/Alfred pushed the kid out and shut the door. He turned to Arthur with a wild look in his eyes.

"Liiiisten." Arthur backed up. "Why don't you not do anything. We say you did and you get your money and I retain what is left of my innocence."

The stripper thought for a second then slowly nodded. He started to speak to himself. "That could work. I still get the money and since you seem keen on avoiding me, you win. And I get to go home early and start on homework and Mattie gets his way." He turned to Arthur. "Dude I better get my money."

"You will. Just please let me go."

Captain America moved away from the door. "You have freedom now."

"Thank you." Arthur walked out.

Francis was waiting for him. "Sooooo-"

"I am going to take you into a dark alley, kill you, cut you into pieces and then feed you to your family."

"Wha-"Francis was cut off by Arthur stopping and turning toward him.

"Then I will bring back your soul, chain it down so you can never leave and make sure you ender suffering pain for eternity."

"Umm-"

"Ugh-" Arthur turned and walked away. He didn't stop until he got to his apartment.

* * *

The next day he woke up, made a cup of tea and got ready for the day. _Least I'll have school to take my mind off last night_ Arthur thought. He went to school like normal and did his usual routine of going to the library before school started.

**In Class**

Arthur sat at the top of the room. Nothing too fancy. There were long rows of desks across one end to the other, forming a half-circle. There were about ten rows and more seats than Arthur could count. They were all facing down to a tiny desk and a chalk board. Students began to pile in an soon the teacher sat down at his desk, just to get a glimpse of who was here. The he began, what some people might call, his "rant" about this class being about the Great English Literature.

"I'm here!" someone yelled halfway through the class. Arthur looked up to see some guy breathing heavily._ Must have ran here _Arthur thought. He went back to writing down notes.

"Alfred where have you been?" someone asked from the crowd of students.

_Alfred? _Arthur asked himself. _Why does that name sound so familiar? _Arthur looked up to see this Alfred sit down two rows in front of him. This "Alfred" had dirty blond hair with a tiny piece sticking straight up. He was wearing jeans with what looked like a WWII bomber jacket.

"Yo dudes, I'm sorry. I went to sleep late last night." said "Alfred."

"You need to stop going to bed late."

"Sorry bro. I just can't help it."

_Alfred, Alfred…Alfred-I know this name, _Arthur thought. _But I can't seem to remem-_

'_Alfred, I wanna go home!' _A kid's voice echoed through Arthur's head.

"You have got to be joking!" Arthur said out loud.

Silence, as everyone turned to him. The teacher looked up at him. "Is there a problem Mr. Kirkland?"

"No. Sorry. I didn't mean to say anything. Please continue." Arthur felt his cheeks start to burn as everyone continued to stare at him. He got a glimpse of "Alfred" before he turned back around, making Arthur blush even harder.

_Why is a bloody stripper in a college class?_ Arthur kept staring at him. _But I don't even know if he's actually that-person._

**After Class**

"Bloody hell! I lost him!" Arthur mumbled under his breath. He'd been following the infamous "Alfred" when the students crowded through the halls.

"Why the hell do I care anyways? He has his own life. I shouldn't care about-" Arthur was muttering to himself before he suddenly ran into another student and fell back with a oomph!

"Dude I'm so sorry. I wasn't watching were I was going."

"No I think it was more of my fault than yours. I was the one spacing out and lost my balance." Arthur said as he scrambled to grab his papers that had scattered on the floor. A hand was held out in front of his face. Arthur grabbed it with no hesitation. It pulled him up making him come face to face with two sky blue eyes. The guy had glasses around his eyes, dirty blond hair with that one piece sticking out. Arthur was at a loss of words as he stared.

"Hey man. You sure you're ok?"

Arthur nodded. "Yeah-Yeah I'm okay-Do I know you?" he asked

"The names-"

"Alfred, right?" Arthur said looking up at the person. Apparently he was right because Alfred's eyes widened.

"No! It's actually not Alfred it's um…Steve."

"Then how come your friends call you Alfred."

"Ugh! Fine! Yes my name's Alfred-"

"Are you that stri-"

"NO!" Alfred grabbed Arthur and covered his mouth. He dragged him to a door that read closet and threw Arthur inside.

"What the hell?!" Arthur commanded.

Alfred looked around to make sure the hallway was empty before shutting the door. "Hey-" Arthur was pushed up against the wall. Alfred leaned in closer than Arthur would have liked. Their face were almost touching.

"You never saw me at that place." Arthur warned.

"But then why were you there?"

"Don't you have a job?"

"Yes but not as a-"

"I needed the money." Alfred cut Arthur off. "I used to live on my own but then my parents died and my brother had to come live with me." Alfred's eyes saddened. "He doesn't have anywhere else to go. I'm his only family. I couldn't just kick him out on the streets. What kind of brother would I be?" His grip loosened. "I didn't have enough to pay for the both of us plus college. I had to get another job. Veta took me in and I got lot's of money." Alfred dropped his head in defeat against Arthur's shoulder. "You can't tell anyone that I work there because the school will kick me out and I'll lose my other job and Mattie and I will be kicked out of our home."

Arthur leaned back against the wall as Alfred kept his head on his shoulder. They stayed like that for awhile.

"Listen Alfred," Arthur broke the silence. "I won't tell anyone okay?"

Arthur pushed Alfred up to stand up straight. He saw that Alfred's eyes were red.

Alfred rubbed his eyes in embarrassment. "I'm sorry."

"I swear I won't tell anyone."

"Thanks-um…I never got your name."

"Arthur. Arthur Kirkland." He held out his hand.

Alfred took it happily and smiled wide.

* * *

_Yeti: So I hoped you enjoyed this. I had fun writing it. Whenever Luna and I would start planning things out we would start laughing and people would stare at us like we were crazy. We kind of are crazy. But what fun is it being normal. Note: I have no problem with normal people. But it's more fun to me to be crazy. It's just a good day when random people stare at you when you are laughing really hard. Well anyways, please review for it will always help us...also I want to know what you guys thought. Anywho here's Luna..._

**Luna: I know you all missed me but I'm back so it's okay now. Part of why wer'e acting so freaking weird is because we're high on sugar...It's Yeti's fault. Just wanted to tell you to REVEIW OR I'LL kILL YOU AND YOU'RE FUTURE CHILDREN! (Just kidding!...Yeti would never let me -_-) I know, I know I'm a lot to take in but once you get to know me I'm not as blood thirsty as I seem! (kind of) **

_She lies..._

**I do not and you know it! Don't hide behind your clicker missy! I'll be right back. *randow crashing noises in the background* Phew back. I took her clicker. Hey. this is kind of fun. Okay bye now!**

_It's called a pen not a clicker. And I was doing that because you were writing and I was bored._

**It's a clicker. Ignore her she's drunk.**

_I'm not drunk! You're the one who drinks everything._

**That makes no sense whatsoever. **

_That's because I'm American!_

**Racist! We're both American. Just because your white (no offense to _other_ white people)**


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